Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) Read online

  There’s no way I’m letting Lenny take the blame for this, or go on letting her think it’s her fault. It wasn’t.

  Just then, the door cracks open and curls bounce inside. The relief is overwhelming as my eyes flood with tears and I gasp. “Nova….” My breath comes out in a sigh as I struggle to breathe.

  “Daddy!” she squeals in delight, rushing toward the bed in a run. Internally, I cringe thinking how bad this is going to hurt when she jumps on me.

  My mom leaps up from her place next to me to catch her, holding her back before she can reach me. “Careful with, Daddy, Nova. He’s in a lot of pain and shouldn’t be moving around.”

  Nova frowns, the disappointment marring her happiness at seeing me. She stops beside the bed, tentatively reaching for my hand. “Daddy… you’re okay, right? Are you much better?”

  “I’m fine,” I whisper, touching the side of her face. Tears roll down my cheeks as I try to control the blast of emotions coursing through me, but I can’t. I’m so fucking happy to see she’s unharmed. I don’t give a shit who sees me crying. “It’s so good to see you, darlin’. Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

  “No, I’m not hurt.” She comes closer, just another step and squeezes my hand. I can’t imagine what she’s been going through because of what she witnessed that night, and I’m almost afraid to ask right now. So I don’t.

  “How long have I been out?” I ask my mom, refusing to let go of Nova, but the fading begins with each blink as the pain medication begins to kick in.

  “Three days.”

  I focus on Nova again. “Are you being good for Lenny?”

  “You don’t need to worry, Daddy. Lenny’s got this. We went and had our toes painted this morning so they would look pretty for when you woke up. They do a better job than you.” I try to look at her toes but there’s no way I can.

  I almost smirk. “Is that so, darlin’?”

  There’s a noise beside me, feet sliding against tile, and I turn my head to see Lenny leaning against the doorjamb. She smiles at me, tears forming in her sad, brown eyes and a sensation bursts in my chest before sinking into the pit of my stomach. I’m so fucking happy to see her alive and unharmed. I’d gladly take a bullet for her. Am I mad? Sure. I’m fucking pissed my daughter was in danger because of this crazy bastard. But I also know it wasn’t Lenny’s fault. She was doing everything she could to escape that douche bag. I know she would never have knowingly put us in that kind of danger. You can’t blame her for Ben’s delusional mind. She was trying to move on. I blame him for taking that chance from her.

  “Nova, sweetie.” Mom stands and reaches for her hand. “Let’s give Daddy and Lenny a minute. Wanna go pick out a treat?”

  “Yes!” Nova looks at me. “Is it okay, Daddy?”

  I wink at her. “Definitely.”

  When they’re out of the room and we’re alone, Lenny turns toward me, her tears of apology streaming down her face. “Red, I’m just so sorry. I never meant to put Nova in danger,” she says immediately, as if I need to know that first before she says anything else.

  Thinking back to the night, and how it could have ended, had I not walked in… I don’t have a response, at least not one I can voice. I reach for her hand when she steps near me. “I know you didn’t. None of this is your fault,” I say, hoping she believes me. “Come over here.”

  After she cautiously approaches my bed, carefully sitting beside me, Lenny cups my cheek. Instinctively, I lean into her hand despite the obvious bruising to my cheek. “You don’t look so good. Are you in pain?”

  I almost laugh, but I don’t because I know the pain that will come if breathing hurts this bad. “Nah, I’m tough.”

  “I know, but you look pretty banged up.”

  “Oh, please.” I attempt to roll my eyes, and even that hurts. “We both know I look hot in this hospital gown.”

  Lenny eyes my body, her eyes dragging slowly over me. They flood with tears again. “I just can’t tell you how sorry I am. I knew that Ben was becoming more unstable, but I never thought he would show up and do this. To threaten Nova and shoot you. I swear I never thought he would come after anyone but me….” She sighs, the dejection in her voice somewhat suffocating.

  “Hey, listen. I know you’re feeling a lot of guilt right now, but we’re not going back to that. We’re not going to blame or accuse.”

  She nods, brushing away tears as she sits gingerly on the edge of my bed. A nurse walks in and then smiles. “Mr. Walker, I paged the doctor and informed him that you’re awake. He’s going to stop by soon.” And then she closes the door, giving us some privacy once again. I know I only have a few minutes before Nova’s back, or I fall asleep, but I need to ask her this. I have to know where we stand.

  I clear my throat, but it’s gravelly. “Look, Lenny. You need to know that what happened doesn’t change anything. The way I feel about you hasn’t changed.”

  “Red….” She shakes her head and I sense denial. She’s afraid of bringing me unwanted drama and I get that, but I’m not letting go after this. If anything, taking that bullet and having her take care of my daughter as if she’s her own cements that for me… I’m not letting this woman out of my life.

  “Listen.” My voice is drawn out now, slow and lethargic. “I’m in this, kinda deep with you. I don’t care what happened. I just want to know when I leave this fucking place, you’ll be with me.”

  “I will.” She’s quick to say, her eyes snapping to mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  My mom walks in and Lenny stands, distancing herself from me. She can tell I’m about to fall asleep when Nova kisses my cheek and then grabs her hand to stand beside her.

  “I think Daddy needs a nap,” Mom suggests.

  Lenny kneels beside her. “I think he does. Should we let him sleep?”

  Nova nods. “We should. We’ll come back soon, Daddy.”

  I smile at Nova and wink at Lenny, mouthing “Thank you” to her as they exit the room.

  Just after they leave, the doctor comes in and explains to me the extent of my injury. He lets me know I’ll be in the hospital for a few weeks and then it’ll be at least two months before I’m able to lift anything heavy.

  Once he leaves, I ask my mom, “Shit, Mom. What am I going to do about the shop?”

  She smiles, touching my hand. “Don’t you worry, Red. We got everything covered. Tyler and Lenny are amazing and believe it or not, Rawley has been helping out. Even Jude came up and was doing odd jobs to help. We ended up closing the shop this week because of the police investigation, but it’s all good. Everyone understands.”

  She knows me and gets how hard this is for me. All my life I’ve taken care of things that needed to be done by myself. I never relied on anyone. This will be the hardest part. I have no choice but to rely on them.

  “You’re an incredibly strong man, Red. Being a dad isn’t a job. It’s a life and one you’ve managed to do well for two years, by yourself. And now with the business, it’s a lot for anyone. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need help. It’s not a dirty word or a sign of weakness to lean on anyone else.”

  I know what she’s saying makes sense, but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna be easy. It seems like my life has been a series of unplanned circumstance. From Nevaeh’s unplanned pregnancy and then her being taken from us so brutally, forcing me to raise our daughter alone, to my dad suddenly dying, leaving me with a business I wasn’t ready to run. But through it all, I’ve kept my head up and tried my hardest to keep moving forward, taking care of what needed to be done.

  I never wanted to ask for help.

  People can tell you everything will be fine, but it’s hard to believe them until you know for sure, it will be.

  In the days following Red’s surgery and the three days that pass when he’s taken off the ventilator and allowed to breathe on his own, it’s like that for me.

  I thought for sure that first time I saw him he would be upset with me. Blame me f
or endangering his daughter. Blame me for bringing this poison into his and Nova’s life.

  But from the moment I entered his hospital room that morning and I locked eyes with him, all I saw was relief. He wasn’t angry or disgusted because he’s Red, and just like his mother said, he loves unconditionally.

  I remember back to when I was five. I was staying with this lady and her twelve kids. There weren’t really twelve kids, but most days it felt like there were. Anyway, for some reason I would pee the bed, like all the time. I don’t know why. I just went through a phase where I did.

  The first couple of times it happened, she acted like it was no big deal. Everybody makes a mistake, but by the tenth and eleventh time, she got pretty fed up. Eventually, she ended up taking me back to the group home. Said the monthly check wasn’t worth the hassle of having to put up with me and piss.

  That moment set the tone for my life. Growing up, it was never about caring for me or what was best for me. No. It was all about the monthly check and what I could do for them. The only time I felt some sort of affection or caring was with Tyler’s Aunt Maggie. But when she passed and Wes moved us away, the pattern resumed of giving me the bare minimum. Keeping me fed and clothed so he received his check every month.

  I can’t help but think at some point, Red’s going to decide I’m too much work. That my negatives out way my positives. There is only so much being a good mechanic is going to get you. I mean, the guy was shot dealing with my ex-husband.

  Then, I remember how I stood in the doorway of his hospital room expecting hate and only saw relief. I’m so grateful this is Red and he’s completely different from anyone else I’ve ever known. He’s warm and caring, even with the harshness of his bitter words at times. In a matter of weeks, he changed everything I thought I knew about love and life, and certainly not to take it for granted.

  By Friday, a week after he was shot, it was time to make some decisions at the shop. Mia had closed it for the week given the police investigation, but we still needed a plan for when we opened on Monday. Without Red as the lead mechanic, there would be no way we would be able to manage the turnaround needed.

  One thing was for sure, even though I didn’t want to, I was going to have to take Nova to daycare with the promise we would go to Portland tonight to see Red. I didn’t want her at the shop just yet. We’d been inseparable in the week following the accident. And I do mean inseparable. She’d been sleeping in Red’s bed with me ever since.

  She didn’t want to go and cried more than I thought my heart could take. I had no idea how Red did this every day.

  “Look, Nova. I really have to go into the shop today and sort some things out and then we open on Monday. We’ve been closed since Daddy got hurt and we really need to get back to work. It’s going to be really busy and I don’t want you to get bored. If you don’t go to Elle’s, then I’m going to have to take you with me and I don’t want to do that.”

  Nova stares at me in the backseat of Red’s car. I’d been driving his around since the accident because my Bronco wasn’t exactly kid friendly with the missing seatbelt in the back. “Please, Lenny! Don’t make me go. I don’t want to be away from you,” she cries, brushing tears away. “I don’t care if I’m bored. Please just take me to the shop. I’ll be super good.”

  How can I deny her? I can’t and that’s the problem.

  When I walk into the shop, Nova in hand, I knew being back was going to be different. It was the first time I’d stepped foot in here since that night and I was sure the memories of what happened were going to come flooding back.

  I didn’t have time to think about it because not only were we closed for the week, the guys had broken out a case of beer while cleaning up the shop. There, sitting on stools were Tyler, Colt, Rawley, Jude and Daniel. Drinking. At ten in the morning.

  “This is why I shouldn’t have brought you here,” I whisper to Nova as we enter.

  She smiles and watches them closely. “I like it when they drink. They’re funny.”

  “It’s too quiet without him here yelling at us,” Daniel says almost conversationally, looking around as I approach them while shaking my head. “I keep waiting for him to yell at us for sitting around.”

  Colt spots Nova and she immediately crawls on his lap with her arms around his shoulders. He offers her his beer but she shakes her head like this is a regular occurrence.

  Just then, Tyler sways on the stool, nearly falling off and then catches himself with a laugh. It’s clear the drinking started way before we got here. Shit, did they not sleep last night? “He saves that for Rawley.”

  Rawley snorts, a trace of laughter in his response. “Don’t worry. I was at the hospital last night. He yelled at me for ten minutes about something I don’t even know.”

  Watching them, I wish I could join them, but I don’t. Instead, I lean against Red’s toolbox. The last thing I want is to numb my pain. I don’t deserve that, but they’re slightly entertaining and taking my mind off the scene before me and the fact that I’m standing in the exact spot he was shot. The concrete is discolored from where it was cleaned.

  “We’re probably going to fuck this place up,” Colt says, raising his beer in the air.

  “We’ll be fine,” Tyler defends, but then looks around at the shop full of cars and the mess left by the police during their investigation. “Okay… maybe we have some work to do.”

  The side door opens drawing our attention. It’s Raven.

  “What the hell are you guys doing? Get up.” Raven kicks Rawley in the shin after staring at Tyler for a minute.

  “We’re stressed out,” he tells her. “So we’re taking a break and drinking.”

  “Why do you care?” Tyler asks, trying to hand her a beer. She denies it and swats his hand away. “It’s not like we’re open for business.” And then he eyes her body suggestively.

  Her eyes shift around the shop attempting to ignore him. “Well, dumbass, I came to answer the phones and let customers know there’s going to be a delay. Someone’s gotta work around here. Doesn’t seem like you guys are.”

  Her stare locks on mine and I shrug, shaking my head at them. “I’m sorry. I was going to take the beer away but they’re kinda entertaining.”

  “Aw, come on, Raven, don’t be mad at us.” Tyler grabs at Raven’s ass when she walks by him and she slaps his hand away.

  “Knock it off, Tyler.”

  For someone who’s trying to maintain no contact, he’s suddenly grabby with her. “Well, can you at least get us some donuts or something? We’re hungry.”

  “Nope.” Raven smiles and reaches for my hand to pull me toward the office. “Nova, come with us.”

  Nova gives Colt a shrug. “I have to go.”

  “Raven!” Colt calls out when we’re at the office door.

  “What?” She glances over her shoulder trying to hide her amusement. She thinks they’re funny too.

  “Can you get me another beer?”

  “Screw you, Colt. Get it yourself!”

  The door slams behind us and she looks at me with wide eyes. “Did Tyler seriously just try to grab my ass in front of everyone?”

  I nod with a smile.

  As the morning passes, Raven and I are answering messages and contacting customers when a white car pulls up and Berkley walks in. She struts right past Rawley and straight to hug Tyler.

  Rawley shakes his head and makes his way to the office. “Are you okay with that?” I ask Rawley, even though I’m more curious what Raven thinks of this.

  Nova looks up from her coloring to see who we’re talking about and then stands up on the counter so she can see. “Is that Berkley?”

  Rawley shrugs, clearly not caring one bit. He grabs Nova off the counter and begins tickling her side. “I don’t own her.”

  Raven’s reaction is a tad different as she watches Tyler pull back from Berkley and smile, his hand on her hip. He’s drunk, I have to remind myself of that.

  “She’s a bitch,” Raven g
rumbles, sorting through papers and organizing her desk. “I can’t believe she’d come in here like this.”

  “She said she wanted to make sure Tyler was okay,” Rawley adds.

  Nova rolls her eyes struggling to get away from her uncle tickling her. “I say we punch her in the tit.”

  Raven, Rawley, and I stare at Nova. “Nova, you can’t say that.”

  “Okay.” She puts her hand on her hip. “Let’s slap her in the tit.”

  I frown. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Rawley smiles. “Sweetheart, you’re making me proud.” And then he high-fives her and turns to Raven. “Why do you care if Berkley’s here talking to Tyler anyways?”

  Raven begins to fidget and adjusts her stapler about a million times. “Why are you even here? Since Dad died, you’ve done nothing but show up late and piss off Red. It’s not like you care.”

  He leans forward and knocks her stapler off her desk with a swipe of his hand. “I’m not heartless, Raven. Just because I don’t want to make this my life, doesn’t mean I don’t care. Red’s my brother too and I want to be here to help him out. Since Dad died, everything fucked up, and now Red’s been shot and in the ICU. You’re not the only one affected by it.” And then he squints at her and leans into the wall, his arms crossed casually over his chest. “Wait a minute… you never answered my question. Why are you so pissed off about Berkley being here?”

  Raven leans down and picks up her stapler. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Rawley’s smile is so wide it looks unnatural as Raven’s cheeks heat with embarrassment. “You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

  “What’s fucking?” Nova asks, popping a handful of candy in her mouth from Raven’s desk.

  Shit! I should have taken her out of here or at least ear-muffed her.

  “You can’t repeat anything you heard in here,” Raven begs of Nova when Rawley leaves.

  After brushing her curls from her face, Nova holds out her hand expecting to be paid.

  Raven groans as she places a dollar in her hand only to have Nova shake her head. “Five bucks to keep quiet.”