Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) Page 35

  “It always used to be a dollar.”

  “This seems important. Make it five.”

  “You’re such a little hustler.” Raven sets her purse down and throws herself back in her chair. “What a mess.”

  Once the drama of Berkley visiting Tyler at the shop dies down, we go back to work. With what seems to be the norm in a small town, everyone’s heard about what had happened to Red and were very understanding about their repairs taking a bit longer to get done. It was so overwhelming to hear all of the concern that folks had for Red and his wellbeing. All I could think is once everyone gets the full story, they will start to blame me for endangering one of their beloved residents.

  Around four o’clock we decide to call it a day. Nova’s running out of things to keep her busy and I’m worried she’s going to decide taking Colt up on his offer for a beer is good idea.

  Looking over at where Raven is doing some last minute filing. “So I was thinking of heading over to Portland to visit Red tonight, wanna come with us?”

  She reaches for her bag. “Why not? That way he can see I’m lying about sleeping with his best friend and I can feel even worse.”

  I can’t tell if she’s joking or not. “Are you being serious right now?”

  Raven shrugs. “No, not really. Let’s go.”

  I’ve never been one to take time off. It’s just not my thing, I’ve been going like hell since the moment I started walking.

  Now it seems time is all I have and it’s passing by unbearably slowly.

  I need to heal.

  They tell me I have months of healing ahead of me.

  They tell me I’ll also be out of work for months. It’s certainly not something I am prepared for. I have to make money and who’s going to run the shop?

  There are days where I feel like I’m locked into some kind of continuous loop with no way out and no hope for moving forward. I am simply here, dependent on others.

  The pain fades with each day, but it’s never gone completely. It hurts to breathe, speak or to even be touched. It hurts to think.

  Physical pain is fading as the days go by and in its place, a stiffness takes over.

  There’s more to it. Though I don’t want to admit it. I’m sad and confused, frustrated at the very thought of most things.

  Here I am, holed up in a hospital bed while Lenny is taking care of my kid, yet I can’t get my mind right because the very thing I swore I could protect Nova from, happened right before her eyes. And the fact I hadn’t protected Lenny is there too, gnawing at me, a painful reminder of Nevaeh.

  If I didn’t have the reminder then, I certainly do when Tony comes to visit me. I’ve been in the hospital for an entire week and believe me, I’m ready to fucking leave.

  “You’ll never forget that shit, kid,” he says slowly, understanding my feelings when it comes to my wife. “There are memories that will forever be with you and unfortunately, this, even Nevaeh dying, that’s one of them.”

  The mention of her name makes me sick to my stomach. The emotion, the fear, the devastation creeps up and the lump in my throat rises again. My reaction for so long with Nevaeh dying has been withdrawn, ignore it. I don’t talk about it in fear the emotions will drown me. Escaping it all together isn’t happening. I lost my wife, an amazing woman, but it didn’t define the rest of my life. It’s then Tony offers me some insight. I had forgotten he too had lost his wife.

  “You can miss her and you can wish she were here with you now, but that’s just being selfish. You can’t focus on the life that’s gone because you need to be thankful for what you do have, in front of you. Nova… Lenny. It’s okay to move on. Nevaeh would have wanted you too. Believe me.”

  Tony was absolutely right. She would have wanted me to for Nova’s sake and my own. And when I think about it, I would have wanted her too as well.

  IT SEEMS I have endless visitors while I’m in the hospital. Nova and Lenny come and see me every day, along with my mom to have me sign some insurance forms and ask me how I feel about the changes they’re going to make at the shop.

  “Raven leaves for college soon, doesn’t she?”

  Mom takes the forms I signed and puts them back in the envelope. “Yeah, but we should be fine. Jude is gonna help out.”

  Pushing out a deep breath, I stare at the pen in my hand. “Mom, I can’t afford this. I know my insurance will cover most of it, but how am I going to pay for my house if I can’t work and fuck… Nova starts school in the fall. This couldn’t have come at a worse time.”

  “When I set up the insurance policies for you, we added supplemental plans. It will pay out based on the critical care policy. It will be enough for you to pay your doctor bills and pay your mortgage. It takes care of all that for you so you can heal. You also have accidental insurance that pays your salary when you can’t work.”

  I’m taken back by her words for a moment. “You did that?”

  “Yes, Red. It’s important to have coverage. If it weren’t for your dad and I having it, I would be screwed right now. When he died, his policy paid off our house and the construction loan we still had on the addition to the shop.”

  I knew my parents were smart with their money, but I can’t tell you the relief I have knowing they had helped me with this and made sure Nova and I were taken care of.

  “Thank you.” I glance out the window unsure of what to say next as a flood of emotions hit me.

  “Sometimes it hurts to look at you.” She swallows, the action forced as she blinks slowly and then finds my eyes again.

  “Why?”

  “Because you look just like Lyric and this… nothing slowing you down was him.”

  “You haven’t lost me, Ma.”

  “I know, but you’re just like your father… and you’re a spitting image of him when he was younger.” She swallows again, her tears no longer hidden. “We put too much pressure on you. I told Lyric when he shared his plan for the shop that it was a bad idea. I didn’t want the added pressure on you.”

  “It wasn’t too much.”

  “I know it wasn’t… because you’re a strong man.”

  Most of the customers I used to get would come in with an oil light on. And I’d ask them when it came on. Some knew when, others didn’t. They’d shrug and tell me a few days.

  Most were lying.

  It’d been on for months judging by the oil leak under their car.

  Anyway, my point is they saw the warning light, the leaking oil and the smoking, but they chose to ignore it. Eventually, if you ignore that oil leak long enough, the engine begins to break down the oil and contaminates the engine. Sooner or later, it starts knocking and you can throw a rod. You’ll be buying a new engine after that. Word of advice here, don’t ever ignore an oil leak.

  After nearly three weeks in the hospital, Red’s coming home this afternoon. It’s such a relief to know he’s well enough to leave the hospital. I know there’s a long road to full recovery, but coming home signifies so much.

  With Mia and Tyler heading up to Portland to get him, my plan is to make something he’ll love considering he’s been eating nothing but hospital food.

  Raven’s supposed to be here any minute to go with me to grocery store so I can restock the house and also get the ingredients to make Red’s favorite dinner, spaghetti.

  I’m was so freaking excited to have him coming home and not stuck in a hospital bed an hour away, I spent most of the morning jittery and chugging coffee, which was why I was jittery.

  Raven shows up, with a very tired looking Rawley, around nine that morning. “You ready to go?” she asks, once her and Rawley walk through the door.

  I nod reaching for my purse on the table. “Rawley, can you keep an eye on her?”

  He nods, staring at his cell phone as he takes a seat at the table. “Yeah, sure.”

  Raven smacks his phone out of his hand knocking it to the floor. “No, dumbass. Actually watch her.”

  Glaring at her, he reaches down and snatc
hes his phone. “I am, and you know, I’m getting the impression you think I’m an irresponsible turd.”

  “No, we don’t think you’re an irresponsible turd, we know you are.”

  Nova comes walking down the hall, still in her pajamas, eyes Rawley, and then me. “You’re leaving me with him?”

  I lift her up on the counter in front of me. “I’ll be back in an hour. We have to get some things at the store for dinner.”

  Nova considers my words for a moment, and then sighs. “You promise you’re coming back, right?”

  It breaks my heart that she worries. She’s been through so much and I can understand how she needs to be reassured. “Why don’t you play with uncle Rawley for a little while? Maybe ride your bike?”

  “Fine.” With the heaviest of sighs, Nova slides off the counter. “But don’t blame me for any trouble he gets into. Come on Uncle… let’s go play in my room.” And just like that, she leaves and heads back down the hall to her room. No hug goodbye. Nothing.

  I look at Raven. “Is she mad at me?”

  “No, she does this to Red whenever he leaves her and she doesn’t want him to.”

  Wow. I’m not exactly sure how to process this. She’s never been mad at me before, other than the one time I attempted to take her to Elle’s house.

  Once we arrive at the grocery store, it becomes clear that it’s going to take longer than originally planned. Any kind of shopping with Raven seems to take longer than necessary. I’m a list girl. I know what I need and I try and make any shopping trip quick and painless.

  Not Raven. No, even at the grocery store she has to walk down every isle and I swear she’s read every damn label. She even took the cart from me so I had to follow her. Damn alpha shopping bitch.

  “Hey, so when do you head back to school?” I ask knowing her summer is coming to an end and she’ll be heading back to Oregon State.

  “Classes don’t start until after Labor Day, but I’m probably going to head back about a week early just to get settled back in.”

  “So are you and Tyler going to try the long distance thing?” I’m asking because since Red was shot, Raven and Tyler haven’t been together as much. I suppose it could be blamed on Tyler taking on so much responsibility with the shop and Raven helping me with Nova.

  “No. Well, I don’t know.” She picks puts about five tomatoes in the cart, never looking at me. “We haven’t actually talked about anything. This whole thing started out as a no strings attached friends that fuck, but now I’m not sure how either one of us feels. I kept thinking he would bring it up the longer it went on, but then with Red getting shot everything has kind of taken a backseat.”

  I know she doesn’t mean to, but hearing her say that Red getting shot has put everyone’s lives on hold makes me feel worse. My shitty choices have affected so many people. I know everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault, but I don’t know if I will ever be able to truly believe them.

  “Do you think you want more?” I ask, walking along with her. “Could you see Tyler being more than just a fuck buddy?”

  Raven turns to look at me and I can see by her expression she wants more with Tyler. “Yeah, I think I do, but I’m not so sure he feels the same way. It’s not like I fit his usual type when it comes to relationships.”

  I know what she’s referring to. Tyler’s last girlfriend, Berkley, is built like a bikini model with a face to match. Raven is beautiful but she’s curvy with a larger chest and not as tall. She has an edgier look to her, but that doesn’t make her any less attractive. In her eyes, she’ll never amount to what Berkley is.

  “Well, I don’t think you should be jumping to any conclusions. I see the way Tyler acts when you’re around,” I tell her. “He definitely feels something. Things are settling down now. Red is coming home and shop is taken care of. No more excuses.”

  She smiles at me, relief in her eyes. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll talk to him soon. I mean Eugene is only two hours away. It’s not like it would be impossible to keep seeing each other. I could come home on weekends or he could visit me at school. It could work.”

  I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. Her perkiness can be contagious.

  Finally getting to the isles I need, I began grabbing the flour, baking powder and shortening.

  Raven’s standing by the cart with a look of total confusion. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “What do you mean what am I doing?” I look at her, and then the cart. “I told you I was going to make strawberry shortcake for dessert tonight. I wanted to make the biscuits from scratch. You know add a personal touch.”

  She laughs in my face. “Okay, but you do realize that Red isn’t going to give a shit if your biscuits are homemade or not. The only thing he’s gonna care about is whether your naked when you serve them.” I can’t help the laugh that comes flying out of my mouth. I love Raven and the shit she says. “Which reminds me, are you going to wear the shirt I got you?”

  Noticing that people are starting to stare at us, I take a deep breath and shake my head at her. “Seriously, your brother is coming home from the hospital after being shot. He had his chest cracked open. I don’t think having sex is on his mind. And no, I’m not wearing a shirt that says, ‘Stay well lubricated. Sleep with a mechanic’ while your mother is around.”

  “Your first day at the shop you wore one that said ‘Get off my dick’. How is that any different?”

  “It just is. I had nothing else to wear that day.”

  Raven giggles and then starts pushing the cart toward the next isle. “Anyways, you go ahead and tell yourself he won’t be thinking about sex, but my money’s on the horn dog. Gun shot or not, Red’s a man and men think with their dicks. Plain and simple. And I’m thinking of getting one of those shirts for me.”

  “The mechanic one?”

  “Yeah….”

  “What if people think you’re talking about your brothers?”

  Her eyes widen. “Good point.”

  I want to disagree with Raven about Red thinking about sex, but the truth is, the thought of Red wanting me, touching me has been on mind a lot.

  WE FINALLY GET back to Red’s house after what seems like the world’s longest grocery run. In reality, it’s been two hours, but seriously it’s a damn grocery store.

  As I’m unpacking everything, Raven comes barreling into the house making a beeline to the living room. She’s dragging a very pissed off looking five-year-old behind her and I notice Nova’s wearing a bike helmet and has a pillow strapped to her chest and back.

  What the fuck were they doing?

  Raven storms up to Rawley coming down the hallway and stops inches from his face. “I told you to watch her!”

  “I am. I watched her getting in the wagon with the olive tree kid.”

  “His name is Oliver and what were you going to do just sit here while he went barreling down the road with your niece being dragged behind him?”

  “Whatever.” He blows her off, rolling his eyes. “I made sure she had a helmet. I thought it would be fun to see where it goes.”

  It’s then we both realize what he’s wearing. He’s wearing a dress that appears to be a prom dress.

  “What the fuck are you wearing?” Raven asks, gawking at him.

  Rawley looks at his dress, confused as to what the big deal is. “We were watching Frozen before this little shit ditched me.”

  Nova slaps his thigh. “Don’t blame that on me!”

  Raven slaps his shoulder from the other side. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re wearing my prom dress, asshole.”

  Stepping out of the line of fire, he holds up his hands in defense. “If a five-year-old asks you to wear a dress, you put the fucking dress on. Don’t be a jerk.”

  Raven eyes him up and down. “You look ridiculous.”

  “Bitch please,” he talks in a casual jesting way. “I look good.”

  Rolling her eyes, Raven walks away.

  I on the other hand can
’t stop looking at Rawley. Not because he looks good in a dress, but because it looks uncomfortable. Touching the shiny material with my hand, I ask, “Is that itchy?”

  He lets out a deep breath, his eyes widening. “So much. I can’t believe she wore this thing all night.”

  “I only wore it for like ten minutes to get my picture taken.” Raven says from the living room. “The rest of the night was spent in the backseat of Holden’s car.”

  Rawley tenses. “Please tell me you dry cleaned it. And another thing, why the hell was your prom dress at Red’s house?”

  Before Raven can answer, Nova walks up and flops herself dramatically on the floor. After all, she’s wearing a pillow and a helmet. Why not flop yourself around the house.

  She stares curiously at Raven and asks, “Why did you spend the rest of the night in the back of some boy’s car?”

  Her eyes go wide as she looks to me for help. “Nova, why don’t you go to your room and unstrap your pillow and put them away. Daddy could be home soon.”

  I think Nova realizes she’s not going to get an answer because she turns and heads down the hall.

  Raven breathes a sigh of relief, body relaxing and immediately returns her glare to Rawley, “The dress is here because I wasn’t going to wear it again and Nova liked it so I gave it to her.”

  Rawley shrugs and reaching for the zipper on the back of the dress to finally take it off. “I don’t know why you thought it was a good idea to give this to her.” Raven and I both laugh as he literally strips down to his underwear in the living room and throws the dress at Raven’s face. It’s not a dress it’s a torture device.”

  THE MOMENT I’VE been waiting for arrives. Mia and Tyler finally make it home with Red around four that afternoon and it seems so surreal that he’s here, home and safe. For the first time in weeks, I take a deep breath.

  From the moment Ben walked into the shop, it was if every breath I took was thick with guilt and worry. Seeing Red now slowly making his way through the door brings me so much relief.