Unbound (the TORQUED trilogy Book 3) Page 9

  “This couldn’t have gone any worse.” I shake, my whole body trembling, thinking of Rawley’s expression and the look he gave me when I told him. It was an emotion more than a look. One of complete devastation. Hot tears fall from my red-rimmed eyes and down my flushed cheeks. Goose bumps march across my skin, the temperature dropping considerably since we’ve been outside. “I should take Lyric inside.”

  “I will,” Mia offers, her brown eyes piercing as she tucks her hair behind her ears and reaches for her grandson. My eyes squeeze shut as another gust of wind tickles my face.

  Mia takes him inside with Nova and Chevy. I turn to Raven, Lenny, and Red standing beside me. Just being in their presence, his family, makes me tense.

  “What the hell am I gonna do?” I’m asking, but honestly, I don’t expect any of them to answer. There’s no easy solution to this and I knew it going into it. Rawley just found out he has a baby and his first reaction was to run. What do you say to that? I knew I’d regret not telling him. I knew I would.

  Red steps forward with a look of determination on his face and gives me a long look. “Sophie, you’re going to do nothing because nothing has changed.”

  What? Did he not just witness the shit show that just occurred?

  I frown, wondering why he’d suggest that. “How can you say that? Rawley knows about Lyric and in case you didn’t notice, he’s pissed, everything’s changed.”

  Red takes another step forward bending slightly at the knee so he can look me in the face, and he places his hands on my shoulders. “That’s my point. Rawley just proved nothing has changed. He’s the same selfish little shit he’s always been. He’ll stay until he decides it’s time to go, and you and Lyric will be all the better for it.”

  Lenny gasps at his statement. “Red, don’t say that.”

  Red stands up straight and glares at his soon-to-be wife. “Are you actually defending him?”

  Nervously she bites the corner of her lip and shifts her weight to one side. “No, but I don’t think you’re helping things.”

  Red growls out a breath, shaking his head in disagreement and turns his body to hers. “You don’t get it, honey. Helping is exactly what I’m doing. Everyone was so fucking worried about what would happen when Rawley found out about Lyric. Well, now we know and big surprise, he acted like the fucking asshole he always is.” Red glances over his shoulder at me. “Now you can move forward.”

  Move forward?

  I don’t… I don’t want to move forward without him, and I hate that for the briefest of moments when I saw him smile at Lyric, I wanted it so badly my chest literally ached for a sight I didn’t know I wanted. Tears spill over my cheeks. “I guess part of me was holding out hope I wouldn’t have to do this alone.”

  Mia returns, closing the sliding glass door behind her and makes her way over to me. I don’t know if she heard what we were talking about, or maybe she knows by looking at me. “You’ll never be alone, Sophie. You’ve got us and that will never change.” Wrapping her arm around my shoulder, she draws me into her side affectionately. I don’t look at her. I can’t.

  With a deep breath, I pull myself away from her, wiping my tears aside with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. “I need to find him. I should explain things to him.”

  Raven steps forward, her hands raised in caution. “No. That’s a really bad idea. You need to give him space.”

  My eyes burn again, the tears returning as my mind scrambles to find an outcome that won’t leave Rawley running away from me again. “I just can’t let him leave angry like that. I need to explain.”

  Raven shakes her head, as does Mia. “I understand why you want to talk to him. I really do, but I’m telling you, I know Rawley and the smartest thing you can do is give him his space tonight.”

  Lenny looks at Red sincerely, her voice soft. “Red, maybe you could go find him and talk to him.”

  Red shakes his head, his lips pressing into a firm line, and he nods without looking at Lenny. “Yeah that’s not a great idea. You saw him push me.”

  Lenny snorts, trying to hold back a laugh and rubbing his chest. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did he hurt your feelings when he pushed you?”

  “Wait a minute.” Red glances around at all of us. “Why am I the bad guy now? I’m being realistic. Me going to talk to him will only go south quickly.”

  Mia waves her hand around the circle we’re standing in. “Nobody is going anywhere. Rawley needs space. Trying to talk to him when he’s like this is a huge waste of time.”

  Red raises an eyebrow at Lenny. “Told ya.”

  Lenny walks past him, bumping his shoulder as she goes by into the house.

  Nova opens the sliding door and peeks around Lenny’s legs as she sneaks by. “The babies are crying and I know for a fact I’m not the one who should be handling this. Somebody do something.”

  Lenny waves at us. “I got it.”

  Nova steps outside and stares up at Red. “Where’s Uncle? Did someone make him mad?”

  Tyler laughs, having returned with his water. “Your dad.”

  Nova’s brow pulls together, wild brown curls blowing in the wind. “Oh, so nothing’s changed.”

  Tyler grins. “Oh, something’s changed all right.”

  Red smacks the back of Tyler’s head. “Shut up. You’re making it worse”

  “You made me spill my water.” Tyler reaches around the side of Raven to hit Red back.

  “I’m going to check on Lyric.” When I walk inside, Lyric’s on the floor with Chevy, both of them crawling around the living room confined by the baby gates. Lenny’s in the kitchen making a bottle for Chevy as Mia follows me inside.

  Stepping over the baby gate, I kneel next to Lyric only to have both him and Chevy crawl on my lap.

  Mia smiles tenderly at me taking a seat on the floor next to me. “It really is going to be okay.”

  I take Lyric’s hands in mine as he stands on my thighs trying to stabilize himself. “I appreciate what you’re saying, Mia, but I just don’t see how it’s true. I knew he was going to be upset when he found out, but the way he reacted out there, that wasn’t just being upset, that was pure anger. Throwing his beer bottle against the house and then storming out was not how I pictured that moment going down.”

  Mia’s quiet, her voice soft when she does begin to speak, that motherly way about her trying to ease the anxiety of everyone around her. “You know Rawley likes to think he’s so different from his father and Red, but the truth is, they’re all exactly alike. Lyric, Red… Rawley, they’re passionate men. They may display the passion in different ways, but in the end, they’re all similar. Give Rawley some time alone. He needs to calm down and come to terms with what he learned tonight. When he does… then you’ll know it’s time to talk. But in the meantime, you need to think about what you want, Sophie.”

  I know what she’s referring to. She wants me to consider the possibilities I’ve been obsessing over for the eight months. “I want Lyric to have a father but more than that, I want Rawley to want to be Lyric’s father.”

  “I think we all hope for that, but, honey, you need to prepare for the possibility that he may not want that.”

  I think of Rawley’s stance as he walked away, the mournful hunch to his shoulders and his head down. My heart tugs. It hurts so badly and burns even worse that I’m once again the reason for it.

  Lyric arches his back and wiggles out of my hands to Chevy, who has his bottle now.

  My stare remains on Lyric as he stares curiously at his cousin, and then back at me probably wondering why the hell Chevy’s eating and he’s not. “I’ve always known there was a good chance Rawley wouldn’t want to be a part of our lives. But part of me remembers the talks we used to have about our future and the family he hoped we’d have someday. He wanted kids with me. At one time, this was his dream, and I destroyed everything with one stupid night.” I shrug, shifting my eyes to Mia. “He’s built this existence that doesn’t include us. His band, the CD… that’s
where his life is now. I guess seeing him tonight finally made me realize how different his world really is to ours.” My vision blurs when I glance at Lyric crawling on the ground next to Chevy. I want to pick him up, hold him close to my chest and hope like hell Rawley throwing the beer at the house isn’t something he’ll remember.

  “Look.” Mia shifts her position on the floor and faces me, taking my hands in hers. “I hate to sound cliché but it takes two to tango. You weren’t the only one in the room when Lyric was conceived.” The night flashes in my mind, and the Rawley I saw that night, she doesn’t know him. “Trust me, I know my son can be a lot of things, an asshole being one of them, but in my heart, I have to believe that he will come around. You may not be together in the traditional definition of a family but I think if we give him some time and space to work things out in his mind, he will want to get to know his son.”

  Lyric begins to cry, staring at me, and I know it’s time to feed him. Standing, I move to the kitchen only to have Mia follow me. “I just hope that while we are giving him space, he doesn’t go and do something stupid,” I tell her, reaching for the formula in the cupboard.

  Mia laughs and hands me a bottle. “Well, let’s not get our hopes up too high on that one. Rawley hasn’t always been known to make good choices while he’s angry.” She points outside to the tree in their backyard. “I remember one time when he and Raven were about six or seven and Lyric caught him trying to climb to the top of the tree so he could use the roof to get into his room. He was so mad when Lyric yanked him down, telling him the branches weren’t strong enough to hold his weight and he would fall. The minute Lyric turned and went back to the garage, Rawley went right back up there. He made it to about the height of the roof and the branch gave way and down he went. Broke his elbow in two place and was in a cast for eight weeks.”

  Though Rawley needs his space to calm down and think, I know Rawley doesn’t forget anything. He buries it but it’s never forgotten.

  As I put Lyric to bed an hour later, I catch myself staring out the window, wondering if Rawley’s coming back or if this is another instance where he runs away.

  A kid. I have a fucking kid I didn’t know about?

  It’s the last place I should be, but I walk into Murphy’s with one intention. Solitude.

  A son? How could they have not told me?

  “Look what the cat dragged in,” Zack says the moment he sees me. To my left I notice immediately there’s someone on the stage with the country twang of a guitar.

  I look, not knowing who it is, and then take a seat at the bar. “Jack and Coke.” And then I pause. “On second thought, just bring the Jack.”

  Zack smiles, reaching for the Jack Daniels bottle and a shot glass, pours the shot and then puts the bottle away.

  “Nope.” I motion with my hand for him to put the bottle back. “Just give me the bottle.”

  “Oh, so that kind of night, huh?” He gives a nod to the door and leans into the bar. “Everybody that has me leave the bottle ends up crawling out of here.”

  “He’s yours.”

  I down the shot. “Sounds good to me.”

  As I stare at the bottle and the glass, knowing I shouldn’t be drinking, I think back to Sophie’s face when she said, “He’s yours.”

  The words hit me like a bullet, unexpected and straight in the heart. I blink slowly at the memory and drag my hand down my face. My temper burns so fucking bad. Why is it that everyone thinks they know what’s best for me? They don’t fucking know.

  My eyes squeeze shut, my head bowed, tucking my chin to my chest.

  “How the hell have you been, man? We’ve missed you.”

  I look up shrugging and take a drink, my eyes peering over my glass at the stage. “Who’s that?” I don’t want to talk about me or how I’ve been doing. I’ve been doing pretty fucking shitty.

  Zack nods to the stage. “Kid out of Eugene. Reeve something.”

  Glancing around the bar, I notice there’s only a handful of people in here, which is odd since there’s a band on stage. “Slow night?”

  “We don’t draw crowds like we used to with you here, buddy.” He then taps the bar with his knuckles. “I got your EP when it came out. Amazing songs on that one.”

  I nod. I’ve never been one who takes praise very well. Makes me uncomfortable.

  FOR HOURS I sit at the bar, trying to remember why I’m sitting here and the fact that I have a son. When the bottle’s half empty and my mind is numbing, a familiar voice rings in my ear, a hand placed on my shoulder.

  “You’re looking good. And drunk.” Berkley laughs, her hand moving from my shoulder and down to my forearm. “Wanna get out of here?”

  I laugh, knowing there’s no way I’m riding tonight, but I’m still not going home with Berkley. “I’m not that drunk.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Handing Zack a fifty-dollar bill for the Jack, I lean in and whisper to Berkley, “I think you know.”

  She pushes me back, hard, and I catch myself against the bar. “Jesus, you certainly haven’t changed much, have you?”

  My eyes burn into hers, my stomach knotting and pulling tight. Fuck her. Just… fuck. Her. I want to stop, shut up, I should, but it’s a long wide-open pass in the end zone, and I speak my mind. “You’re a fucking whore. Learn to keep your goddamn legs closed every once in a while, and maybe someone might treat you with respect.”

  I’ve never actually had sex with Berkley. I only got blow jobs from her, yet she kept coming back like I was supposed to offer her something more. I’ll never understand why. A lot of people around town assumed I was the reason behind her break up with Tyler. I’m not. But I know who is. One of my best friends growing up. Austin. I haven’t spoken to him since the day I found out he slept with her.

  Not because he did, but because I thought it was wrong. Austin knew she was with Tyler, but one night they were drunk and slept together. The whole thing reminded me of my situation and I stopped talking to him. I’m a bit of a grudge holder.

  Berkley holds my stare and swallows hard. I see her throat muscles work. “Like you’re precious Sophie?” If anyone knows how to sink a knife in and twist, it’s Berkley. “You realize she got knocked up as soon as you left town? She certainly didn’t wait long, did she?”

  I’m biting my tongue to defend Sophie and I don’t know why I am. She lied to me.

  I laugh. I can’t help it.

  This shit’s seriously fucked up.

  I shake my head, looking down at our feet.

  “Fuck you.” I push past her, my shoulder knocking into hers.

  Outside, the wind hits my face the instant the heavy metal door pushes open. It smells like cow shit and dirt. Walking to my bike parked on the street, I hang my head knowing I shouldn’t ride, but it’s only two miles down the road to Mom’s house.

  I contemplate not going back.

  I consider going back to Seattle.

  And then I remember Beck’s face and the things they said to me.

  I also think of Sophie and the fact that I have a son. A son that deep down, I don’t want to walk away from.

  I MAKE IT back to the house and thankfully by the time I do, everyone is gone. The driveway’s free from the cars that once blocked it.

  Mom’s in the kitchen when I walk in through the garage, hunched over the sink appearing to be doing dishes. The orange-yellow tint from the light above the sink baths her olive skin tone in a warmth. She reminds me of Raven, the dark brown hair she can’t quite get straight pulled back into a ponytail.

  The door closes behind me with a thud, the heavy steps of my boots drawing her attention. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, refusing to give my mom an out. If anyone would have said something, I thought for sure it’d be her.

  Mom rolls her eyes when I come closer to her, within a foot as I step around the island in the center of the kitchen. “Well, I see you went to the one place you know so well, didn’t you?”

&n
bsp; “I don’t really need a lecture from you. Why didn’t you tell me?” I press harder.

  “Because it wasn’t my place to say.”

  I roll my eyes and lean back into the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. It’s then I notice the numerous bottles lined up on the drying wrack.

  I glance to my left. There’s a high chair tucked back in the corner.

  Craning my neck forward, I look to the living room. There’re toys scattered all over the floor.

  My blood boils and I heave in a needed breath. “He lives here with you, doesn’t he?”

  “He lives with his mother, and yes, she lives here too.”

  Today just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?

  A sarcastic laugh escapes me as I slap my hand against the granite counter. “She lives here? Why would you fucking invite her to live here?”

  She jabs her finger into my shoulder. “Don’t use that tone with me, Rawley. And if you’re asking if I invited my grandson and his mother to live here, then yes, I did. And you can’t say anything about it. They didn’t have anywhere to go because she couldn’t afford to raise a child on her own and you weren’t around.”

  The words sting, and they’re meant to.

  I don’t say anything else to her and make my way upstairs, my eyes shifting to the room next to mine where I assume she’s at. My hand trembles as I reach for my door handle because I’m reaching for the wrong one. I should be reaching for hers and apologizing, but I don’t. The bitter taste in my mouth swirls.

  She lied to me again.

  She purposely didn’t tell me.

  I’m sinking, again. I’m that ship lost at sea unable to decipher where I should go and all I see is water, no land in sight.

  I want a hit, a line, anything to numb this but I know it’s not the answer. It never was. It can’t be.

  The morning brings no clarity to my thoughts. All I think about is how I deceived him again. It doesn’t matter how he treated me the last few years. It matters that I didn’t want to be this person, constantly lying to him. My chest aches and pinches knowing I once against made a decision I wasn’t okay with.